Tuesday, October 20, 2009

How am I doing?

I started a blog with this title a month ago and never finished. I really relate to what C.S. Lewis wrote after his wife died: "..no one told me about the laziness of grief...I loathe the slightest effort." With a move and the start of school I haven't really been lazy but I want to be. And with the scraps of free time left, I just want to be quiet--read, think, sleep. So, I've failed to return calls or reply to emails or send thank you notes. All of those will come, but for now I just wanted to let you all know: I'm OK. I've loved your cards, comments, gifts and especially the letters. It comforts me to know a friend across the country is thinking of me. I just find it hard to reach back.

I checked my sister's blog several weeks ago and noticed there were several comments from my friends who haven't heard from me and so read her blog to check up on me. (That's only part of the story--my sister's blog is just fun to read.) I'm so glad my sister's writing still. I'm amazed that she's had the strength to do so. I haven't--not yet.

How am I doing? Mainly, I find it counter-productive to think too much about that question. I'm sad but going forward as best I can. Some days are beautiful and some are difficult. Isn't that how it is for all of us.

13 comments:

Gina said...

Love you, Ruth.

Mollie said...

Add me to the list that reads your sisters blog - both to keep tabs on you, and because it is such a joy to read. So good to hear from you - I've been thinking about you a lot the past few days, and so it was so good to get this glimpse. Wish we were closer, we all miss you immensely.

Brandan and Becky said...

I was so happy to see you in my reader today. I think about you every day. I've been hoping that you are busy with school and projects, but also worrying a bit for you, too. Wishing you lots of blessings.

Christy said...

Sage was so pleased to see a new picture of John! I think we will call you right now!

Teachinfourth said...

It's funny, I just watched Shadowlands the other day and it was a reminder of your words - it was also a reminder of all that transpired for me this summer.

The thing is, I have empathy for you because I think that I might just have the slightest inkling of what it must be like for you even though our situations are vastly different, and our experiences are undoubtedly not the same.

I know what it means to want to be lazy, but not have the time in which to fully do it justice.

Hope you are doing well...

kim & co. said...

I was also happy to see you in my reader today--I've been thinking about you. Sorry this is such a tough time, but glad that you're hanging in there. Be kind to yourself and do what you need to. On top of all the change for your family, I feel like there is just something in the air--I've been completely unproductive lately and can't seem to break out of the autumn slump that hits me every year. The days shortening is just not fun.

Michelle said...

my words echo yours. I just want to be lazy and can't find the time to do it.

I'm hurting. More than words can say. And I really do appreciate the people who ask "How are you doing?" and truly want to know.

Love you! M

Valerie said...

Thinking of you!!

Linn said...

I think of you more often than you know Ruth. You are still in my prayers.

Ruth said...

You are an extraordinary person and doing so well. I don't think anyone can spend five minutes in the same room as you without wanting to be better.

Emily Murdock said...

I just love you, Ruth! I hope you get to visit Texas soon...it would be so nice to see you again :)

denebug said...

I miss you Ruth.

denebug said...

I miss you Ruth.